Stuck.

I don’t know anything. I’ve realised that. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or even the next few hours (though I think I might be asleep then). I write this without fancy thesaurus words or long adjectives: I don’t know myself. What i do know is that I feel trapped in my own little world which I can’t seem to wriggle out of…or as they say, perhaps I’m simply a lost cause. I also know that I am blessed. Having a roof over my head, not having to beg on the streets and not getting blown up by a bomb, in my country, is a blessing. I should be content. Then why the hell am I not? I want more. How selfish does that make me? Very much so. What am I doing about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But in my defense, I don’t know what to do. I need my space! I’m sick of my stupid country, sick of its stupid people, sick of myself. Oh well, can’t do anything about it now, can I? Self pity. UGH. Tomorrow’s an important day. I think. SO many things can get worse. I’ll keep praying till i fall asleep then. God help me.

 

I love yellow. And I am a mess. That much I can be sure of.