Our Time is Running Out? Oh yeah..

My city gets bombed, people die. Yet I indulge myself in my own silly problems, my trivial self. A religious procession is targeted and safe in the comfort of my home, I readily dismiss it as another one of those recurring events that have so terrorized the people of my country. All this is expressed without empathy. After all, when you are so detached from the common Pakistanis – the real soul of our nation…how can you possibly even fathom the complexity and magnitude of their problems? Not only do they face the more than occasional threat of bomb blasts in their area but they also the lack the ability to secure themselves against such events. Their whole lives are based in high risk areas; they live, work, sleep there. How can I, living in a bubble of false security, begin to comprehend the dilemmas they face losing their family, friends and loved ones when I, myself, have never had to experience that emotional trauma? I can not. All of us, the privileged ones, can not for even a moment realize the degree of pain these people feel. We have gotten so accustomed to the regular news bulletins on another suicide attack in another city in another bustling area which has victimised even more innocent people, that we are now immune to the gravity of the situation. We watch the footage time and again, but do not see it for what it truly is – a holocaust. We listen to all the analyses and interviews but can’t really hear the anguished cries of the people actually affected by it. We express sorrow, but inside, feel nothing except maybe relief to have escaped it this time. How much longer will it be before they attack our neighborhoods? Before it is our families and loved ones that are targeted? The only thing left for us to do is count our blessings before they’re snatched away..
What a happy new year..

Don’t look back in anger..

There are important days, days that aren’t very significant and then there are some days that you won’t even remember a week later. Instead of wasting away the better years of my life, i want to make sure every day is be worth something. I don’t want to end up like those people who spend their lives regretting the things they could’ve done, should’ve done, but didn’t. I want to be different.

Stuck.

I don’t know anything. I’ve realised that. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring or even the next few hours (though I think I might be asleep then). I write this without fancy thesaurus words or long adjectives: I don’t know myself. What i do know is that I feel trapped in my own little world which I can’t seem to wriggle out of…or as they say, perhaps I’m simply a lost cause. I also know that I am blessed. Having a roof over my head, not having to beg on the streets and not getting blown up by a bomb, in my country, is a blessing. I should be content. Then why the hell am I not? I want more. How selfish does that make me? Very much so. What am I doing about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But in my defense, I don’t know what to do. I need my space! I’m sick of my stupid country, sick of its stupid people, sick of myself. Oh well, can’t do anything about it now, can I? Self pity. UGH. Tomorrow’s an important day. I think. SO many things can get worse. I’ll keep praying till i fall asleep then. God help me.

 

I love yellow. And I am a mess. That much I can be sure of.

Hidden Goodbyes Underneath The Starry Black Sky

When they gaze at you, will you look back or shy away from the world?

Melt the facade away, hold your head high or succumb to blank stares and false accusations?

Can it not get any more clichéd?

Life is such, they say. What can they know?

Have they lived more or simply been alive for longer?

Trouble dawns bright on every soul - be it young or old, fickle or brave.

I have my silly misfortunes - we all do. But does experience make me wiser?

I think not. Instead, it leaves me crying in the shadows of vulnerability.

Getting through it all, we learn the all but shallow art of pretense.

I am afraid they will try to strangle me again - suffocate my mind.

So, in the moment, until I can find my escape, I will put on a smile, please them, laugh along, and learn to pretend.

I'm too afraid to even try to be different.

A coward, I may be - but one that will survive when all around the brave fall.

Deception By The Deceived.

Millions of years in existence, billions of people, with a thousand thoughts racing across their minds. These strange ideas, which characterize us, set us apart, continue to linger. An opportunity to prove ourselves better than the rest of the same species, is that not what we all want, what we desire? Not confined to the realms of reality, we strive to go far beyond, hoping to be seen. You want your voice to be heard, to be followed and the only way to do this seems to be drawing attention, captivating the rest with your imagination. But the mind is fickle, we are one and the same. What you have thought, so have I. There are no 'new' ideas, just the one. A tiny detail changed - enthralling the audience, puzzling them, convincing them that they truly are inferior, just ordinary. Those who prey on this weakness are worshipped, loved. We fall into the trap of the conniving and the cycle continues until a handful control us. Unknowingly, our every move is a reflection of their 'ideas'. Our words mirror theirs, we have forgotten how to think on our own. Freedom is an illusion and equality, a myth.

Swivel, Raze and Crash

This darkness
overwhelms,
strengthens,
feeds on hopelessness,
grips,
every inch of feeling,
destroys it.
Until all that is left,
is nothing.
It has confiscated
my smile, my joy, you.
Left me black.
Left me blind.
Longing for a glimmer,
a speck.
Anything but nothing.
I find just that.
Or is it an illusion?
I can't tell
fear from hope.
There are tears.
Am I happy?
Is this sorrow?
Regret?
It's all the same.
I am numb now.
Is there pain buried
beyond this?
Do I want to know?
I let this darkness consume me.
Live in me,
die with me.
So I can be
not alive,
but there.

Tue, 6 Jan 2009 19:25:10 +0500

It has been 11 days - 264 hours of continuous killing, bloodshed, hunger, deprivation and absolute chaos. The people inhibiting the 25 mile long strip of Gaza are being slaughtered. Innocent men, women and children with no desire to engage in the complicated politics of the region are falling victim to the bombardment of gunfire, missiles and rockets on their homes. For them, there is no escape; no assurance that they will be alive in the next hour or whether, targeted by the Israeli forces, their bodies will lie scarred and burnt amidst their families and loved ones.

For days, we have seen nothing else on the television but the torturing images of innocent civilians crying out for anyone to come to their aid, to put an end to the calamity; the pictures of a man robbed of his children, or children, orphaned in a split second, not understanding why the world just simply waits and watches as their entire community is being targeted. I can assure you, that no matter what the Israeli leaders claim, there is no way a 5 year old child is aiding the Hamas ‘militants’. Yet, they are the ones to fall, leaving behind them, the ones that will continue to suffer. In Gaza, there is no place for the people to seek asylum, with even the UN sanctuaries being blown apart by the Israeli force. There is no aid reaching them; not food; not clean water, not electricity, not medicines, absolutely nothing. The great ‘leaders’ of the world watch this atrocity go on from their heavily protected homes, hotels, offices. They choose not to act; surely they can not be waiting for this to blow over? Or perhaps, they assume the entire population of Gaza will be wiped out soon, thus saving them from the inconvenience of doing something to prevent the massacre. The outgoing administration of the United States is in staunch support of Israel getting rid of the ‘terrorists’ that reside in Gaza, choosing to overlook the fact that 89 of the murdered were children and over 30, women; these just being the confirmed deaths, there are likely to be plenty more lying undiscovered in the streets. Many countries have expressed their ‘concern’ over the ongoing situation and called for an immediate cease-fire. This will, no doubt, raise a conscience among the Israelis and put an end to the mass killings. Of course if there were ever to be an event in which their families and relatives were targeted they would also simply ‘express their grave concern’ about that too, but fail to do anything about it. Only utter fools could believe that. The failure of even ONE nation, be it a Muslim one or not, just goes to show the utter lack of humanity in today’s world.

Expressing words of pity, or even demonstrations are not enough to knock sense into the people who run our countries. If they are not ready to speak up and condemn Israel for its actions for the fear of the United States, then they are certainly not fit to represent their nations. They have sold themselves to the US administration, and are on their knees, like dogs, following its every command. Only when the United States takes action against Israel, will they follow suit. That could be a very long wait indeed, since the US, along with Israel, has even denied claims of international aid agencies, of the situation ongoing in Gaza as a humanitarian ‘crisis’. Even though, some nations have at least acknowledged the ridiculously appalling circumstances in the Gaza strip, they wait for the United States to make the first move.

The Arab leaders have proved themselves incompetent to deal with the situation, by refusing to take a stand for the Palestinians; The Egyptians have allied with the Israelis to close the Rafah Border Crossing with Gaza, leaving no means of escape for the innocent, allowing no aid to reach them; The United Nation Security Council has failed to come to an agreement on how to deal with the current destruction of human lives; The United States have uttered no words against the onslaught. For now, the Israeli politicians carry on to send troops inside Gaza in a bid to gain maximum popularity before their upcoming elections, as the entire world witnesses another holocaust take place before their very eyes.
Blood is shed, lives are lost and families are destroyed every second and in response, we wait for the news bulletin to see when the next ‘emergency’ meeting to discuss the current state of affairs will be held. As for them, they simply continue to ignore the Gazans’ plea for help, and let the children cry, mothers die, as fear encompasses their every move.